New Valentine’s Day Thrillers We’re Watching This Year
Some people do romantic comedies for Valentine’s Day, but to quote Jennifer Coolidge’s character from the Riff Raff trailer, “I get horny when I’m scared.” If you’re right there with me, here are four thrillers to look forward to this February 14.
Heart Eyes
Josh Ruben (releasing in theaters February 7)
Here we have the perfect cross-section of slasher and romantic comedy. When Ally (Olivia Holt) meet-cutes Jay (Mason Gooding) at a coffee shop, and then recognizes him in the marketing meeting where she might get fired, on Valentine’s Day, it kind of extinguishes the romance on her end. Jay still invites her to a work dinner that looks very much like a date… so much so that the Heart Eyes Killer targets them as their next victims in a Valentine’s Day killing spree—even though they’re not a couple.
While it might not seem like those two genres have much overlap at all, much less that they should be in the same movie, when you consider the tropes of each, and how they have certain, tell-tale beats that work as hallmarks, it’s not an unlikely a pairing as you’d think. This movie is perfect for, I’d say, a second date or so, because there’s plenty to talk about after, but it’ll be low-stakes and lighthearted conversation. The movie is very much aware of its campiness, which is what makes it enjoyable. That, and the creative, Valentines-y kills.
Love Hurts
Jonathan Eusebio (releasing in theaters February 7)
Here’s another cross-bred genre—romantic comedy and martial arts. We get an absurd yet endearing principle to set the tone for the full movie, Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) retired from his mobster life to live a much more fulfilling role of residential real estate agent.
That is, until his former love interest (Ariana DeBose), whom he was supposed to kill for his big brother (Daniel Wu) as a tradeoff for going straight, returns with a vengeance. I know Love Hurts is not technically a kung fu movie, but it definitely has some delightful hallmarks of the subgenre: the pursuit of justice, explanatory voice over monologues, quirky mini-boss squad (featuring Marshawn Lynch!), and the fact that everyone can fight. And the fight scenes are truly—and delightfully—the best part of the movie. Your girl loves a weapon of opportunity! And there are plenty to be found at a staged open house!
I’m Still Here
Walter Salles (limited release to theaters February 7)
This one is marketed as a biographical/political high-brown foreign film, but it feels very much like a thriller to me. During the military dictatorship in Brazil, 1970 specifically, the Paiva family lives in Rio de Janeiro—they consist of the mother and father, Rubens and Eunice, and their five children.
Rubens was once a Congressman, but he fled the country for six years after his seat was revoked during the 1964 coup d’etat. When the movie begins, all the children are playing on the beach during Christmastime, among the country houses of other, former, liberal politicians, and Rubens now works quietly as a civil engineer. They still keep up with politics, though, and when left-wing ambassadors get kidnapped, the parents decide to send their eldest, most outspoken daughter to study in London for her own safety. And then the military comes to get Rubens. They say it’s for a deposition, but they won’t give any more information.
A few days after they take him, the men who still occupy their home take Eunice and her second-eldest daughter to a detention center for interrogation, as well. They don’t know what they’ve done wrong, where they are, where each other are, or if any of them will ever get released.
It’s beautifully depicted, and the tension is so palpable—plus it’s based on the memoir of Rubens Paiva! I understand not wanting to sensationalize someone’s life, but this premise has all the trappings of a political thriller, including a person who has been disappeared.
Yellowjackets
This is season 3, so if you’re not caught up, you better get crackin’. And if you haven’t started yet, let me sell you on the show’s premise: a championship-winning high school girls’ soccer team crash lands in a wilderness.
While they wait and hope to get rescued, they do what you’d expect a soccer championship girls to do: they band together. And then, when the situation gets more dire, and serious secrets get out, they turn on each other… plus, the wilderness requires sacrifices from them that they grow more and more convinced they must provide. Or else.
One genius of this show is that the two timelines—which involve the same characters as plane-crash-survivor teenagers and then 40-somethings navigating adulthood after a serious trauma—appeal to every age of horror demographic. Most watchers have experienced (or are in) their teenage years, which makes them nostalgic for the ‘90s in a retro way, and some of us are just straight up nostalgic for the ‘90s. And let’s be honest: there is no better soundtrack to hunting and eating one’s friends and teammates to appease the wilderness than the grunge rock of the mid-‘90s, period. (Name another time when Nirvana’s “Something in the Way” gave you full body chills.)
That said, Yellowjackets’ season 3 might not be great for Netflix-and-chill (if that’s something people still do) because it’s just too interesting, but it is great if you’re avoiding Valentine’s Day restaurant crowds or looking for a morning-after watch. What’s more enticing than a soccer mom saying, “The only way to be safe is to be the only one left?” Let’s go, Valentine’s Day!
If you’re waiting till after the rush to celebrate Valentine’s—or if you just love to stretch out a celebration like me—there are a lot more thrilling releases on the horizon, including The Monkey (February 21), Riff Raff (February 28), and Last Breath (February 28).
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Mary Kay McBrayer is the author of Madame Queen: The Life and Crimes of Harlem’s Underground Racketeer, Stephanie St. Clair and America’s First Female Serial Killer: Jane Toppan and the Making of a Monster. You can find her short works on history, true crime, and horror at Oxford American, Narratively, Mental Floss, and FANGORIA, among other publications. She hosts the podcast about women in true crime who are not just victims, The Greatest True Crime Stories Ever Told. Follow Mary Kay McBrayer on Instagram and Twitter, or check out her author site here.